this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
