she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
