so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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