ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
