if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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