I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
