I seem to have left my pride at pride
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
