Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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