Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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