Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
