my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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