First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
