Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
