I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
