She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
