If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
