The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Green mimosas i think yes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
