YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
