I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
