I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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