he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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