I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
