You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
