Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
high people should be assigned attendants
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
