brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
