I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
