They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
