He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
