so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
