True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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