there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
