I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
