When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
