I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
