I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
