I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
