she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
