This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
