oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
