Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
