Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we made out on top of his cat.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
