In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
