i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
