i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Im part way to drunk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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