it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
