Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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