Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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