why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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