I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
