Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
