I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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