I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
